Stop letting people come (and stay) in your life empty handed!

Welcome to your dose of embrace. Have you been well? Are you taking care of you? What are you thinking about? Can we talk about it? Lucky for you, I can hold space for thousands of conversations, wink. I'm only a call or text away.

This week, let's talk about this concept of people coming or staying in your life empty handed. I honestly got tired of seeing it, experiencing it, and this is me pushing your buttons to refuse it too if you feel as tired. Aren't you fed up of men approaching you to take your number and all they have to say is, "I've been watching you for a while, can I get to know you better?" Well, if you've really been watching, what are you doing with the information you have gathered in the mean time? You didn't even pluck a flower along the road and come up with a thoughtful compliment to catch my attention. It even gets worse when he doesn't know how to compliment. 

As a man, aren't you fed up of dealing with girls who only know how to take and take and take without exactly pouring into your cup? It doesn't really have to be material things by the way, incase that is where your mind is going (zero judgement if that's what you're into though. Just be sure you're choosing the appropriate side of the fence. Go for the compliments if validation is what matters to you. Go for the gifts if that's what rocks your boat) It takes such enormous effort to be honest with yourself about what you really, really want. It's okay if you don't, take the time to discover. One little step at a time.

Don't roll your eyes or call it pride when I insist that you don't come to me empty handed.. because there's a lot more to it than you think. At least in my opinion. I am testing thoughtfulness, consideration and how unselfish you are. Its important to me that you don't think entirely of yourself when we have something going on. Even if its not for the sake of the relationship, it's important that you interest in yourself in other things outside of yourself. That's why some of us read, go out to meet people, listen to horror stories of people's experiences in life, catch up with friends for the tea because a person like that is a considerate person. They are a humble person because they understand and tell when the world revolves around them and when it doesn't. Why that is important is a conversation we'll agree to keep for another day.

So you've seen me for a while, huh? What did you discover that I loved? What is that one thing I do a lot? I wear watches all the time, couldn't you gift me one while you approached me the first time? You noticed I have a certain style, couldn't you secure me a shopping voucher to add things to that selection that attracts you so much? You've watched how I relate to people, what conversation do you think you could have with me that is going to get me talking? Even if its on such short notice, what did you see that you liked? Isn't there a way you can wrap it in a compliment that will get me grinning like Cheshire cat after you leave or right in your face? I once was approached by a guy, who like most of 1000 others probably thought they'd get easy access, he didn't know what was coming for him. He said he wanted my number because he expressed himself better in writing. Once he had the number, he would tell me why wanted it. Cue the eyeroll. 

"Oh, that's beautiful. I'm a writer too, please pull out a paper and write me something while you're at it. If I'm impressed, you'll definitely have the number," I said.

My expectations were high, I was so excited because I love written notes like crazy. Guess what it read. 

                'I wish to be a friend to you. Call me on 078... if you're impressed.'

Oh, dear. I'll stop at that lest I laugh like a witch. The important point to me here is that the little things you miss become a big deal. They weren't attentive or thoughtful enough to buy you a single thing and that will result into forgotten or gift-less birthdays in the name of "I didn't know what to get you." It will result in you being so drained and burnt out in life situations they could have made easier but don't a lift a finger in the name of "I didn't realize, you didn't tell me about it." You baboon! Am I supposed to talk about every little thing like you're a five year old? It will result in you struggling with your esteem and they'll not compliment you or remind you of how amazing you are when you need it in the name of being incapable of giving meaningful compliments. Forget the "you look good or you're beautiful" kind of compliments. Anyone can give those. I mean the compliments that shift your soul and leave you stunned that someone is that attentive. It will result in you wanting to talk about something and you just can't because they can't hold space for a good conversation.

So my darling, my sweet sweet darling.. what will be it for you? Are you sold? Are you going to choose better? Are you going to give this more thought and more credit that it finally deserves? Let me know in the comments, lets talk. 

I love you, and I hope you enjoy what's left of the week. Cheers.